In the beginning it's important to note that I'm divorced, happily and without regrets, but I am a single dad.
Half the time.
The other half isn't my real life, it's my bachelor life. Ostensibly my quiet time, my time off. Free time from the "hassle" of being a parent.
I couldn't see it more different. What's real in my life is my son. He is my reason for being.
The call of fatherhood was something I felt before I was a dad. However, it both did and did not come natural. Loving my son was easy from the minute the doctor placed him in my arms after a c section. Looking down at this life that my ex wife and I created, that she grew in her belly and now he's here and in my arms. People talk about that magical moment, but what's striking for me is to recall the memory. No sounds, none of the beeps and whirs of medical equipment, none of the chatter from the doctors, not even Heather lying on the bed getting put back together (birth is a CRAZY process!)
No what I remember is staring down at this little man, just small enough to put in one hand. He was 6lbs 12oz, he is perfect and he is my son. I was to.d to go on out and I remember holding my son and kinda looking around like... so I just like take him and go? I glanced around and no one was looking at me so I stepped forth and embraced fatherhood.
I vividly recall those first few days. I hadn't slept in days and I would only manage a little before we left the hospital, when I got home I desperately needed a shower I'll just say. But there was a moment, Heather was sleeping, Oliver was nodding off and I was exhausted but terrified to go to sleep while "on duty". So I made a bed out of blankets on my hospital sofa, wrapped myself around the outside so he couldn't fall off (I mean he couldn't roll yet, but I wasn't taking chances) and we both caught about 45 minutes of sleep before the nurses came back in lol.
Oliver came home, met more family. I'm very grateful he got a chance to meet my grandmother, Ruth (she would pass before his first birthday).
That first year of Oliver's life was to be in lockdown from COVID, and it made for an interesting time. To be honest, that time is a bit of a blur of learning how to dad, quarantine activities and frankly, the last gasps of a marriage on the rocks.
So ends the first year of my sons life, and the start of a new phase. One where I am a single father, full time and holy shit, okay, let's get this fucking done.
So now you're a single father, what do you do?
Well, being a single father wasn't necessarily an unforeseen circumstance, as I said I wasn't in a great marriage and I took steps that ensured it would end, though that isn't why I acted. The first 6/7 months of being a single father I was a full time dad. For me that meant I needed to figure out how to continue to work while making sure Oliver was cared for. Otherwise, to be honest, I loved it. I got to hang with this fascinating and quickly developing human who has the sweetest soul. I did my best at this time to provide memories, time with family and time with his mother when we could. Oliver and I quickly deepened our bond, he is my favorite person on the planet and I loved every minute I could spend with him.
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